Emotionally Drawn
by Luckie D
Summary: I know it's the case, Maria," Cragen offered to help her say what was troubling, "Are you regretting being the primary on the case?" "No! I not regretting getting this case!" She hissed as her palms hit the top of his desk hard, but Cragen didn't flinch.
1. Chapter 1

Pacing back and forth, Maria watched as Fin and Elliot worked their magic on getting the confession they wanted. The bastard in question sat there, arms crossed and looking cross at the two slamming the evidence in front of him. As a rule with this suspect, Olivia nor Maria was allowed in on the interrogation and that highly pissed Maria off. It was the case _and_ the suspect that had her pacing like a panther, reminder her of why she was still in SVU. Her scars proved that she still had to do it, to help others recover from the trauma and torture they received from their assaults .

It was also what alarmed Cragen and Huang, who were also watching as well. Cragen turned his head when he felt the air stir behind him, the tension rising for that split second. Huang watched from the corner of his eye as she walked to stand beside him before moving again to stand in the other side of the room, giving him an impression that all was not well with her.

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Several hours later and nose deep in paperwork, her green eyes didn't move as images flashed before her and mixed in with the crime scene made it just as bad. It made it so damn hard for her to concentrate and she had it. Standing without warning, the other four looked up to see her standing there, hands on her desk and head bowed before she turned and headed to Cragen's office.

Fin turned his head to look at John, who's face showed the high concern he had etched in his face. "John, what's up with her, man? She's been edgy all afternoon." John shook his head as he stood, knowing fully what it was.

"I know what it is," He replied in a low voice, knowing she had sharp ears and if she heard him mentioned it to them, he'd be on the couch. "It's the case, but don't tell her I told you." He gave a stern look as he walked over to open door and peeked in to see Maria staring down at their Captain.

"I don't know what's the matter Cap. It's...," She stumbled with her words, fighting her own emotions through the mask that she wore to hide it.

"I know it's the case, Maria," Cragen offered to help her say what was troubling, "Are you regretting being the primary on the case?"

"No! I not regretting getting this case!" She hissed as her palms hit the top of his desk hard, but Cragen didn't flinch. "I don't regret it."

"It's just the contents of the case, right?" He watched as her expression changed; her eyes lowered and relaxed, the tense snarl on her lips changed to a sad frown, and her shoulders lowered in defeat. "Huang and I could see you being a panther while he was being interrogated earlier today and Huang suggested that I send you home for today."

"What? You're taking the case from me?"

"I didn't say that, detective. I said you are to go home and clear out your head and I'm suggesting it as a friend. Do I need to make it an order?" His expression remained soft, but he made it be known that there was a tint of sternness in his voice, to keep her in her place. "Do I have to?"

"No, sir."

"Good, now John will take you home," He motioned to the door, seeing that they were being watched by him, "and take care of yourself."

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Unlocking the door to her apartment, Maria dumped her jacket and shoulder bag onto the floor and sat down on the couch, Ace giving her his usual greeting by licking her fingers. Much to her knowledge, John stood there in the entrance of her door and watched her carefully. "Do you want me to stay?"

"You're getting off of work in three hours, John. I won't do anything stupid for three hours without you." She tilted her head to one side, looking at him with her matter-o-fact look with one eyebrow raised. She watched with a careful eye as he stepped in further into the apartment and shut the door behind him, making a point. "Guess I have no say it this, huh?" Her voice lowered to a depressed level as her eyes moved to staring right ahead of her, ignoring the fact that he sat down next to her.

"I know what's bothering you, Maria," he folded his fingers and looked her over, "this case is too close to you, mentally and physically. From the get-go, I knew that something was wrong with you and this case. It's too much like your old case; the one Fin and I got years ago and you were the victim." He kept his voice low as she faced away from him, hiding the fact that her chin was quivering and not wanting to show it. "Don't lock me out, baby. I know you're hurting inside and you're keeping it all bottled up. Don't do that," he moved a few inches closer to her, watching her head turn slowly to look at him, "don't do that to yourself."

"What about you? What about doing harm to you with this situation?" Her voice was tight with emotion, carefully reading him.

Sighing, he sat back and slowly traced a small design on her back, feeling her tense up under his fingertips. "I'm not worried about myself, it's you I'm concerned for. The case is so close to home for you, you're not able to focus on anything. Just do this for me and just let it out. Don't be so reserved and drawn that you have to hide it, but let it out for me. For you, please?"

"If you leave and finish the day, I will." She whispered as her voice cracked under the strain of keeping it in, her fear of exposing the emotions ran high in her memory. The small designs to her back didn't stop, but she felt him sit up straighter and he pressed his forehead to the side of her head, giving her a small hug. "I'll be fine, John, I'll be fine when you come back."

"I'm not leaving you alone in the state you are in," He whispered, gently cupping her face in his hands, "I can't and won't leave you along right now. I'm going to call Cragen and we can work it together from there. Understand?" He felt and watched as she nodded her head in his hands, tears rolling down her cheeks and pooled against his flesh. Nodding in agreement with hers, he pulled her into a hug and held on tight. "We can do this together, Maria, I know we can."


	2. Chapter 2

Standing on the roof of the station house the next moment, Maria regretted for a moment of why she had quit smoking in her twenties. She sure in Hell could have used one at that moment to cool her nerves, since she had earlier spoken with the victim in the hospital and promised her that her attacker was never going to leave his tiny cell at Riker's. "But, why do I feel like shit right now?" She asked the wind as it ruffled her dark brown hair and pulling her jacket closer to herself, "Why? I should feel glad with the outcome of this case and how it's going to end, but why do I feel like shit right now?"

_"So, you got him?" Trisha sat up in her hospital bed, watching the detective in the door of her room, her own voice tight with emotion._

_Taking a few steps into the room, Maria sat down on the bed and contemplated what she was going to respond with, wondering if she should mention her experience as well; in hopes of making Trisha feel more comfortable. "We did and he's being held without bail. I as not able to be in the interrogation, but my fellow colleagues were able to get him confession and we should be heading to court in a few weeks, at the most."_

_"Why were you not able to shake it out of him instead?" Trisha's bright eyes changed from interest to concern for this detective who, from day one, worked hard to find the man and convict him without slowing down, except when it comes to facing him._

_"It was the content of the case that caused me not to be able to do it, Trisha, since he treated us, fellow women, lower then dirt-just no respect." She hoped that her half truth and half lie would work for this woman, with the fear she had deep down for the man._

_"What do we do next, detective-"_

"Mar? You up here?"

John's voice cut through what had happened earlier in the day, causing her to jump in surprise. Straightening herself and her composure, she turned and and called his name, watching him turn a corner. "There you are! I heard you went to talk to Trisha earlier today and it went well?"

"So-so at this point. She asked me what's going to happen next and I told her that there is a chance that she is going to have to be in court and testify," Maria took a deep breath and looked up at John, seeing he was listening intently, "And she's scared to look at him again."

"Just like you were, hun," he reached into her coat pocket, where her hand was, and linked his fingers with her's, "and, if worse and comes to worse, are you going to tell her what happened with you and show her that it's possible to get through this?"

"I may have to, if it gets to that point." She exhaled a breath and slowly closed and opened her eyes, "I try and try again to escape it when it comes to an open case at my doorstep, but I can't get away from it and I just want to tell them that they are not alone, but..." She bit the inside of her bottom lip and struggled to hold it in, "I'm...scared."

Watching her crumble again, John pulled his hand out of her pocket and pulled her into a tight hug, his arms and body acting like a shield once again. "It's ok, sweetie, it's going to be ok." He whispered, feeling her shudder against him, continuing to fight them. "Remember what I said last night? About doing this together?" She nodded against him, letting him know that she was still there, mentally. "We can do this, baby, I know we can and I know that you can. You can be strong for the victims, for Trisha and who needs us. You said yourself that you wanted to stay in Special Victims because you want to help others in the same situation you were in." He pulled back to look at her, one hand on her shoulder and the other under her chin to make her look at him.

No words were spoken for a few minutes before Maria exhaled a breath and gave a firm nod and grinned, feeling a boost of confidence. "Alright! If I have to tell her to help her further along, I will."

"That's my girl." John grinned back and sealed that deal with a deep kiss, to reassure her that he was not going to let her fight this battle herself. He wanted in as well, even if he had to fight the demons that followed him from her assault, the ones that reminded him of what he almost lost when she was found.

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A few weeks and issue after another later, Maria sat outside the court room with Trisha for moral support, with John watching the door. The small blond haired woman pulled at the hair that fell below her shoulders, her nerves driving her to the point of wanting to back out and hide. Green eyes watching her movements, Maria was reminded of when she would pull at her sleeves to cover the scars on her arms and wrists before her trial.

"Detective Frank, I...I don't know if I can do this right now. I can't look at him again." She pleaded as she looked at her, the bright eyes clouded with worry and fear. The same look Maria had when she had to face him again.

_I may just have to tell her..._Peering at her watch, they had a good forty minutes before she was to be called in to testify. Walking over to face John, she kept her voice low, "I'm gonna have to tell her. Give us a moment?" Nodding in understanding, he quietly walked into the court room while she sat back down. Maria took her chance to tell her. "Trisha, there's something that I need to, to help you to do this," Maria changed her position so she was facing her, giving full attention. "A few years ago, I was raped in the same manor that you were in, but it was by someone who I knew and trusted for years." Flashes of the event flashed through her mind, but Maria shook them out and continued on, "It started when I was working in Boston Special Victims and we had a very disturbing case on our hands. It forced me to run for my own life to this city, where I once lived, only to be tracked by this person, this man who was my former partner in Boston."

Trisha's face filled with shock at what Maria had said, learning that this detective, who had helped her, was struggling with it herself. "D...Did you ever catch him?"

She nodded as she started to roll up her sleeves, "Took longer then it did to get the man who attacked you, but he was caught in another town and was brought back here. By that time, my physical scars had healed, but the emotional scars were still open wounds," She held up her arm and showed Trisha the inch long scars on her arms and wrists. "For five hours, he raped and tortured me, using a pocket knife to etch these into me. It's not just my arms, but my chest, stomach and legs that he scarred up and tried to finish me off by doing this," She lowered the turtleneck of her sweatshirt and exposed her neck to the woman, "he used the pocket knife to cut my neck in attempt to kill me, but he didn't cut deep enough and I loved long enough to be found by morning."

"Dear God, Detective," Trisha breathed as she reached a hand out and touched the raised scar on her neck, "how can you keep doing this job?"

"To help you and others who have also been traumatized," Maria whispered as she lowered her sleeve, "I can't bare watching you struggle to face this man again and I can promise you," Maria took a firm hold of her small hands, "testifying is the best way to put him away for good. I was terrified of facing Kevin again, but there was no way he could harm me while in there. Know what I did, I focused on the ADA and I let it all out, even the tears. I have full faith and trust in you, Trisha, and I know you can do this. If you need to, look at me and I'll give you a smile to help you."

Clenching her jaw, Trisha nodded as the tears ran down her face, "Okay, I..I can do this, right?"

"I know you can," Maria gave a small smile as the door opened and John stuck his head out, "Are they ready?"

"Sure thing," John nodded to Maria as he looked over at Trisha, "You ready, Trisha?" Trisha looked at Maria before looking back at John and nodding in agreement.

"We'll be right in," Maria said as Trisha looked at her, seeing if she would follow.

Standing, she slowly walked into the courtroom and the door slowly closed behind her. Sighing, John's eyes moved from watching the door to looking at Maria who was leaning back against the wall, eyes shut. "So, you told her and how'd she take it?" Moving to sit next to her, John watched as she exhaled a breath and slowly opened her eyes, green eyes moving to look at him from the corner of her eyes.

"Better then I thought, to be honest. She even reached out and touched my neck scar," She ran her hand under the turtleneck and rubbed the scar, "I think I gave the right amount of boost she needs to do it. It scared me, thinking back to what happened and what Kevin had done. But," The brown eyebrows raised up and a small smile creeped over her lips, "it felt good talking about it."

John chuckled as he stood back up, ready to head back in, "I knew that it would for you, babe. Shall we...?" He nodded his head in the direction of the door, where the trial was taking place.

"Yeah, I wanna see how well she does and give her the little hopes she needs."

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A week after the trial and a proper sentence later, Maria gave Trisha another boost of confidence by introducing her to a few well-known Therapists to help her mentally and emotionally and the same ones that had helped her, minus Huang, who was on her speed dial when wanted.

But, bringing up her case did release the demons from the locked box in her mind. One to hide her emotions from others, she would excuse herself during work to either cry in the restroom or drown it all with a fresh soda from the venders-what ever she could find to cover it, she would use.

However, one night, a nightmare startled her enough cause Maria to sit up and catch her own breath. Searching in the darkness, and not wanting to wake the sleeping man beside her, the search for her glasses and slacks was solved before padding off into the kitchen with Ace close behind, his instinct to follow his worried master. Reaching the kitchen, she flipped a small light on and took a few deep breathes, trying to steady her heart from the rabid beating. "I don't know, Ace," She whispered as she moved her head slowly to look at the large dog, "I thought talking about it would be easier, but it...it's coming back all at once." Feeling her throat tighten with emotions, she sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around the Rottweiler's neck, looking for comfort.

Noticing that the warm feeling was gone beside him, John lifted a sleep fogged head and looked over to where Maria had been, wondering if she had gone to the bathroom. But the sound of Ace's whining really alarmed him to the degree that something was wrong. Grabbing his slacks and glasses he followed the sounds of Ace into the kitchen, to where a small light was on and one woman hiding her face in the neck of a black dog. "Maria? What's the matter, honey?" He whispered as he kneeled down to her level and ran his hand carefully over her back, feeling it tense up, "Maria? You still with me?"

A slight pause hung in the air before she nodded to his last question, her grip on Ace still strong and her muscles still tense with fear, even with him there. "Was it a nightmare about _it_?" He knew fully well that _it_ still gave her nightmares to a degree that it would make her cower in pure fear, scared of anyone around her being harmed.

"Just...make it all go away..." Her quiet voice came deep from within Ace's neck, the desperation in her voice was scaring him, even though he wasn't showing it, "I...just want it to leave me alone..." Moving closer, he wrapped one arm behind her back while the other went under her knees, in an attempt to move her into a more comfortable position. Placing her to lean against the counter, John gently lifted her head to look at her and his heart started to ache. Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks and her eyes were red from crying, Maria stared at him with a pleading look for help, the same look he got when he saw her in the hospital after she was found. "...Please, make it stop..."

Knowing what she needed was something to relax her, he placed a kiss on her forehead and stood in front of the counter and pulled what he needed from the cupboards out, letting her lean against his leg. Carefully stirring the warm water around the tea bag, he kneeled down again and held the mug to her lips. "It's just some herbal tea, sweetie, it'll relax you," He whispered as he gently tipped it as she took a small sip. Leaning her head back against the counter, she took a deep breath allowed the feeling of the warm tea to take over. Placing the mug beside him, he reached a hand out and gently placed it on the side of her face."It's going to be okay, Maria, I promised you it would."

Sighing, she leaned into it and closed her eyes, feeling the fear and emotional pain lift from her. A few moments passed before she opened her eyes and looked into John's eyes, seeing an unsaid question in them. A tiny smile formed on her face as she forced it, knowing it's what he wanted to see and what she needed to do to help herself. "You promise it will?" She questioned back, watching for any falter in his face and whether he was going to change heart or not.

"I promised you, from the time you were found to now and till end of time, I'll be here for you and everything will be okay." John replied firmly, yet gently, to give her the reassurance she needed desperately, "And I'll keep that promise."

Feeling a wave of not-sure-what, Maria moved quickly from the position she was in and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Thank you," She whispered against his ear, as his long arms wrapped around her, "Thank you so much, John, and...," Her grip become more firm, "I love you so much."

Smiling and closing his eyes at her words, John gently picked her up and helped her back to bed, tea mug in hand, and placed the comforter over her. Sitting down to get a better look at her, he watched as she started to fight the overwhelming haze that flooded her and focused on the feeling of John's gentle hand as it gently stroked her cheek, his voice kept at a low tone. "I know you love me and I love you just as much," he watched as her eyes slowly closed and sighed at the contact, "You're safe with me, it's okay to sleep tonight. No one is going to harm you."

Opening one eye to look at him, Maria gave a small smile to him as she reached out and pulled him down. Placing one arm under her neck and drapping the other over her side, he smiled as she snuggled closer and hid her face in his neck. "You can keep me safe here instead of staying up and watching me, goofy." Her muffled voice sounded a little hazy to him as she drifted in and out.

Smiling at her concern for his own, he pressed a kiss to her neck before settling in, "It'll be okay, I promise."

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Ace, who decided to follow them into the bedroom some time later, pushed the door open with his nose and rested his chin on the edge of the bed. Hearing nothing but the gently snoring from John and the sound of one cat eating, Ace jumped softly onto the bed and settled his head down on Maria's ankle, as if giving his own way of comfort. Breathing in and sighing in his own tiredness, the large dog closed his eyes after giving another content sigh.

-End!

**Not wanting to neglect the other one that I have been working on, I needed to do something to clear my mind of something and this was how to do it. I should go back to the one before and finish that now, eh? hehe**


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